Discernment: Consultation

Discernment: The role others play—As you consider whether or not God is calling you to consecrate your life to the Lord as a woman/man religious, as a priest or religious brother, how are others who are open to religious life and to priesthood as a viable option saying to you when you share that you are considering these vocations?  What do your family and friends say? Do they see you as a woman religious, a member of a men’s religious community, as a priest?  If yes, why? If no, why? If, maybe, what are their concerns? When you share your desire with a spiritual director and/or a vocation director, how do they respond? Take time to explore the answers to these questions or to broach the subject with these individuals.

Discernment: Learning from the Present and Past

Discernment:  In discerning your vocation to religious life, look at how God works in your life.  Identify key moments throughout your history that your experienced God at work within you, around you and through you. How are God’s promises being fulfilled in your life?  How is Jesus present to you?

In solitude consider how Jesus may be calling you. What is Jesus saying to you?

In surrendering to God, what do you expect of God?  What do you anticipate from God? For what do you hope?

In reviewing your life story, what have been the most important decisions you have made in your life thus far? What were your hopes and fears in the process of making those decisions? How did you come to those decisions?  Which of those decisions left you pleased/displeased? And why?  What were the consequences and outcomes of those decisions? In considering the decision of pursuing/not pursuing religious life, what do you learn from how you made past decisions and their outcomes?

 

(Source: “How will I know? Discerning the call to religious life,” Priests of the Sacred Heart, Hales Corners, WI, 2000).

Discernment: General Disposition Healthwise

Discernment:  In discerning a vocation to religious life, it is important to look at your “general disposition.”  Ask yourself the questions: Am I generally in good health physically, mentally, and emotionally ? Would I consider myself socially at ease with people and living a life centered on God and on developing a healthy spiritual life? Do I enjoy solitude with myself and God? Do I see myself living in community and in vowing poverty, chastity and obedience for the sake of the Kingdom?  If you answer “yes” to each of those questions, then identify the reasons for your “yes” or note behaviors that substantiate your “yes.” Or reflect upon the life of another about whom you would answer yes to each of those questions. What do you see in her behavior that led you to an affirmative answer. Then apply the same criteria to yourself.

 

So, in short, if you are considering religious life as an option, it is important that you are in good health physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and willing to commit to choices that ensure good health in the future.

Discernment: Examining desires

Discernment:   Yesterday we looked at the first of four ways-- “availability and openness, desire, proper motivation and general disposition”--by which a person would know whether or not he/she is being called to religious life and/or priesthood, as suggested in a pamphlet entitled “How will I know? Discerning the call to religious life,” published by the priests of the Sacred Heart, Hales Corners, WI, 2000. Today we will look at the second of those four ways, namely, “desire.”

“What do you desire?” is an important question to ask yourself.  Are you looking for a way out of a difficult situation? Have you just gone through a devastating breakup and have angrily stated “No way will I ever consider marriage again”. I’m going to be a priest/a nun?”

What is your motivation? What is driving you to this decision?  Is it that you feel a strong call to consecrate your life to the Lord?  Is it that you hear the Lord calling you to devote all of your energies to serve the poor of this world, to the task of evangelization, healing the sick, counseling the mentally ill, educating God’s little children, working for peace and justice in this world, growing in intimacy with the Lord, living a life centered on God and on the Gospels?  When you think of being a sister/a priest, is your heart filled with peace and joy; does it feel totally right in your heart?  Are you saying something to yourself like:  “If this is God’s will for me, I will see it through; I trust that God will show me the way.” Or are the thoughts floating through your mind nothing like these?

Discernment: Availability and openness

Discernment:   Many times, an inquirer will ask the question: How will I know whether or not I am being called to become a sister, a priest, a brother. That is a very normal question. Mary, in the Annunciation, wanted to know how it would happen that she would become the mother of the Son of God. John the Baptist wondered whether Jesus truly was the Messiah.  Thomas doubted the resurrection of Christ.  Mary Magdalene didn’t recognize Jesus, thinking he was a gardener.  So, wondering, not knowing, is part of the getting to know part.  God gives us signs or answers our questions along the way, as He gave an answer to Mary, to John the Baptist, to Thomas and to Mary Magdalene. He will give each inquirer an answer as well. 

Four ways in which those answers might reveal themselves are: “availability and openness, desire, proper motivation and general disposition.”

Let’s look at “availability and openness”—Are you available to the will of God; that is, if you think God  might be calling you to become a sister, a brother, a priest, are you open to that vocation in life? Are you open to taking the steps that will lead you to greater knowledge about that vocation in life: visiting convents, seminaries, monasteries? Meeting with vocation directors in person or through phone conferences to discuss religious life or priesthood, to talk about the call? Will you make yourself available to attend discernment retreats offered by vocation directors, either arranging individual discernment sessions with a vocation director or attending a discernment session scheduled for groups of men/women interested in this vocation in life? 

In short, are you “openhearted to whatever God is calling you”?

 (Source: “How will I know? Discerning the call to religious life,” Priests of the Sacred Heart, Hales Corners, WI, 2000).

Discernment: Taking Time, Not competing, Not seeking Approval

Discernment:  No one escapes the challenge to make difficult, sometimes painful, choices. That is a fact of life.  When we are faced with making important decisions, it is necessary that we give ourselves sufficient time.  Impulsive decisions, many times, lead us to making the wrong choice. We end up in mucky waters. Frequently we have regrets when we make hasty decisions and find ourselves asking ourselves the question: “Why didn’t I think before I acted?”  When that happens, all is not lost.  As a caring, thoughtful persons, we are then  invited  to take time to reflect on the consequences of that poor decision and ask ourselves: “What have I learned?”  That, too, is part of developing discernment skills. 

Many times we get into trouble because we want to do what our friends are doing. Let’s say, for instance, that you are faced with the choices of what major or minor to choose in college. You could make a choice based on what your friends are choosing or what your parents want of you,  even though that is not what you want at all.  Eventually, you are faced with having made a wrong choice—wrong for you, that is,  but right for your friends or right in the minds of your parents wanting what they think is best for you. This can also happen in regard to the choice of your life’s vocation: marriage, religious life, or remaining single. It is important that you choose what you choose, not because you are competing with your friends or seeking the approval of your parents, but because you are concerned that your choice is that which God is asking of you. That kind of choice can be very painful and difficult to execute. Serious discerners want what God wants of them.  That means asking God to reveal His will to you, to soften the “soil” of your heart so that God’s will can enter your being, unblock your hearing so you hear God’s voice, and remove that which blinds you from seeking as God sees.

Discernment: Listening to the Decision within You

Discernment:  The fourth suggestion that Sister Clare Wagner, OP, gives is to listen to the decision being made within you.  Yes, the decision will rise from the depth of your being where you and the Lord are one. It will rise from your true self. Your ego will oppose that decision, because the ego wants to be in charge of your life and does not easily submit to your spirit-self.

To test the waters, “live with your decision for a while,” Sister Clare suggests,—the decision you have come to by considering God’s purpose for our life, which is to live life to the full, to heal “the woundedness in the world,  [render] peace for those threatened by violence, [be] nourishment for the hungry” and  set the oppressed free. In the words of  the prophet Micah, God purpose is that we “act justly, love tenderly and walk humbly” with our God (Micah 6:8).  Is the choice that you are considering going to be the most effective way for you to achieve this purpose?

Sister Clare suggests that you answer the following questions as a means to come to the decision that you know God is asking of you:

·         Does this decision bring you peace?

·         Is this decision in harmony with your gifts and personality?

·         Are you able to do all that will be required of you in this life choice?

·         Does this decision free you?

·         If it does not work out for you, can you imagine other options?

·         Do you get a sense of excitement, challenge, and possibility for growth as you consider this decision?

·         Does the possibility for mission—of acting justly, loving tenderly and walking humbly with God in the particular way your decision offers—give you energy?

·         Is you sense of God’s response one that indicates God’s delight and pleasure in your choice?

If you answered yes to those questions concerning a decision to become a sister, I encourage you to take the next step:  contact a vocation director and talk about your hopes and dreams, share you vocation story and talk about your sense that God is calling you to consecrated your life to Him as a woman religious.

 

 

 

Discernment: Listening to Available Data

DISCERNMENT:  We are looking at four elements of discernment suggested by Sister Clare Wagner, OP, in the pamphlet entitled “Make a difference! A guide for life choice,” published by the National Coalition for Church Vocation, in 1995.  I had published the wrong publisher in the previous emails.

Those four elements of discernment given in that pamphlet are:

·         Listening to God’s purpose

·         Listening to your heart

·         Listening to the data available and

·         Listening to the decision being made in you.

 In this blog I want to focus on “Listening to the data available.”   In order to make a wise decision, you need data. That means doing research. Get to know as many different religious communities as possible.  By typing in “Women Religious Communities” in the internet search box, you will be directed to a Directory. In that Directory, click on the name of a religious community and its website will emerge.  Read, pray over, and reread the material presented there. What is the Spirit saying to you when you reflect upon that community’ charism, what they do in ministry, where they serve, how they live community life, how important prayer is in their lives? Are you being nudged to check it out more thoroughly?  Is a small voice encouraging you to visit that religious community?  Is the call to religious life being enflamed?

 Talk to the Vocation Director of the community/communities to which you are attracted.  Talk about your hopes and your fears. Talk about community life, mission, spirituality, and the importance of prayer as you perceive such essentials of religious life at this point of time in your life.

In visiting a religious community, what are the Sisters like? What attracts you? How are their gifts being used to build up the Church, the Kingdom of God?  What is their experience of living the three vows? What is their experience of community living? What has been their ministry experience?

Read about the Foundress/Founder of the community to which you are attracted. How did the Spirit lead her/him? What inspires you as you read the life of the Foundress/Founder of a particular religious community?

When you take your experience of a religious community into your prayer, what feelings emerge? Listen to your heart—God directs you from that center!

Making Right Decisions in Everyday Circumstances

DISCERNMENT:  Yesterday we shared questions that Sister Clare Wagner suggested to ponder in discerning the vocation to which God is calling. I suggested that those questions be answered  following the 5, 10, 12, 20 minutes of listening with the heart to the Spirit. Those same questions might be tweaked in discerning God’s will in the everyday living of our faith and the choices we face to carry out the will of God. If we applied these questions in that way, what might we be asking ourselves? We might be quizzing ourselves as follows: Those questions are:

·         “What do I want most in this situation?

·         What are the fears that are blocking me from making the decision I know in my deepest self is the right decision in these circumstances?

·         What are my deepest hopes for the persons concerned?

·         What decision would make me feel most alive?

·         Who is God for me in this situation?

·         Pondering the decision I need to make in this situation, what are my feelings about God, myself, the world?”

·         When I think of the consequences of making a decision that is contrary to my faith, what feelings arise in my heart?

·         When I think of the consequences of making a decision that is consonant to my faith, what feelings arise in my heart?

·         When I imagine myself  and others involved in this decision after making what I know is the right choice,  what feelings arise?

·         When I imagine myself  and others involved in this decision after making what I know is not right choice,  what feelings arise?

·         What gifts will surface if I make the decision that I know is in compliance with my faith?

·         What gifts will diminish if I make the decision that I know is not in compliance with my faith?

·         How do I see myself living and working with the persons involved if I make what I know in the depth of my being is the right decision in these circumstances? How do you feel?

·         How do I see myself living and working with the persons involved if I make what I know in the depth of my being is not the right decision in these circumstances? How do you feel?

·         Which do I value most: my own will no matter what, God’s will no matter what, my integrity and that of the others involved or selfish, immediate or fleeting gains?

·         When I picture myself five years from now, not having sacrificed fleeting pleasures and avoiding the hard choices, what images of myself arise? What feelings come to me?

·         When I picture myself five years from now,  having sacrificed fleeting pleasures and avoiding the hard choices, what images of myself arise? What feelings come to me?

What steps do you need to take in order that you are more likely to make right decisions in your everyday life situations?  Take these questions to your prayer time. Listen to your heart and to God’s response.  Keep notes on what you hear when you prayerfully ponder these questions. Trust your feelings and God’s presence and love.   Share your findings with a spiritual director and/or a trusted friend.

(Cf Sister Clare Wagner, OP, in Make a difference! A guide for life choice” a pamphlet published by the National Religious Vocation Conference in 1995)

DISCERNMENT:  Yesterday we looked at the necessity of listening to your heart, if you are serious about discerning God’s will.  We also suggested a way to quiet outside noise so as to be attentive to God’s Spirit speaking within you.  Following the 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes of solitude, I suggest that you ponder the following questions given by Sister Clare Wagner, OP, in Make a difference! A guide for life choice” a pamphlet published by the National Religious Vocation Conference in 1995.

 

Those questions are:

 

·         “What do I want most in life?

·         What are my greatest fears?

·         What are my deepest hopes?

·         What makes me most alive?

·         What is God like?

·         Can I name my feelings about God, myself, the world?”(If yes, what are they?)

·         “When I imagine myself in religious life or priesthood, what feelings arise in my heart?

·         When I imagine myself married or single, what feelings arise?

·         What gifts would I bring to religious life, married life, single life?

·         Can I see myself studying theology and enjoying it?

·         Can I see myself living and working in a group? How does that feel?

·         Do I value interdependence or independence most?

·         When I picture myself five years from now in each life vocation, what images arise? What feelings come to me?”

 

Sister Clare then suggests that you ask “God’s Spirit what steps you might take toward a life choice. Listen to your heart and to God’s response.  Take your time with these questions. Use weeks or months to consider them.  Keep notes on what you hear when you prayerfully listen to your heart. Trust your feelings and God’s presence and love.”   Share your findings with a spiritual director and/or the vocation director with whom you are conversin

Discernment

DISCERNMENT: The second element of discernment addressed by Sister Clare Wagner, OP, in “Make a difference! A guide for life choice,” (National Religious Vocation Conference, 1995) is “listening to your heart.” That is where God speaks.  That is where truth lies.  Your heart holds “your decision about your life choices.”

To hear that voice, to get in touch with your truth, you need to spend time alone with yourself in solitude. No cell phones to disturb the quiet. No TV’s noise penetrating your space. And no computer luring you into its nets.

Entering that solitude may be very difficult. As soon as we attempt this, a multitude of thoughts flood our minds, distractions are likely to bombard us. Treat those thoughts as passing clouds. Do not engage them or, if you do and become aware of doing so, then quietly, without judgment, come back to the solitude, using a word that brings you back to the quiet. That word might be a word from Catholic Tradition, such as “Lord,” “Stillness,” “Jesus,” “Love,” “Peace,” or a phrase from Scripture, such as “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46), “In quiet and in trust your strength lies” (Is. 30:15) or “By waiting and by calm, you shall be saved” (Is. 30: 15)  or one of our favorite passages.

Then listen! Be still! Begin this practice for 5 minutes a day and increase this up to 10, 15, 20 minutes a day.

Tomorrow, we will look at questions you might ask yourself following the 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes of quiet.

Discerning a State in Life

Are you discerning the direction you want to take in life?  Are you wanting God to show you what He is asking of you?  Broadly speaking, in any state in life, God asks you to “act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God (Micah 6: 8).  But how do you go about discerning to which State in Life God is calling you.

Sister Clare Wagner, OP, identifies four key points connected to discerning one’s state in life:

1.      Listening to God’s purpose

2.     Listening to your heart

3.     Listening to the data available and

4.     Listening to the decision being made in you  (emphasis is mine)

(Source: “Make a difference! A guide for life choice,” National Religious Vocation Conference, 1995)

 I will develop each one of these over the next four discernment blogs.

“Listening to God’s purpose”:  From the quote from Micah, it is obvious that God desires justice toward the oppressed, the orphaned, the widowed, those  who are treated with disdain, the “have nots” of society, the marginalized, against whom society discriminates. His purpose is that all people are set free from bondage of any kind and that hungers for righteousness are addressed.  Love is to triumph over hatred in every segment of society.  No one is to be excluded from one’s love.

If I am “acting justly, loving tenderly and walking humbly with my God”, if I am following Jesus’ way, then, truly, I am making a difference in the world as did Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Martin Luther King, Dorothy Day, St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi and, yes, the Foundress of my own religious community, Mother Frances Streitel.  Do you want to make a difference in the world as did these men and women?  Do you want to make Jesus’ mission to the poor, the sick and the outcasts of society your own mission? Do you want to participate in the mission of Jesus to bring fuller life to others by revealing God’s love for all, especially the poor (Mission Statement of the Sisters of the Sorrowful Mother, 2013)?

Do you see yourself abandoning all to serve the poor and the needy of this world---needy in any area of their lives—and giving your all to bring fullness of life to yourself and others,  excluding no one from experiencing God’s love through you?

Discernment: Not Cheating Oneself

The ninth step in the  Ignatian method of discernment might be entitled “Don’t Cheat Yourself.” In this step, picture yourself before the throne of God on judgment day. Will all the work you did in coming to this decision confirm your conscientiousness in wanting your will to be in harmony with God’s will? Or will you realize that you were trying to cheat yourself by bringing up silly reasons not to choose the vocation, or make any other decision, which, in the deepest, quiet part of your being, God is nudging you to choose.   If true, start the discernment process from the beginning and ask to sincerely be seeking God’s will, not your own or someone else’s.

There are times when individuals find every excuse in the book to avoid the choice that God is inviting them to make.  I see this in the elderly who are long past the time when, for instance, they should be driving or continuing other responsibilities that, in their prime, and even only 5 years ago, they were superb at doing. This avoidance of God’s will is also seen in young people, in all of us. The key, I think, is when I am protesting too much. When that is happening, I believe, I need to stop myself, sit down and journal my thoughts, looking seriously at that of which I am afraid.  Getting in touch with my fears and acknowledging all the objections I am raising might also bring me to the realization of how I am cheating myself. And, finally, imagining myself standing before the judgment seat of God, I may also have the courage to stop the rationalizations, the avoidant behaviors.
  
Source: Discernment of Spirits by Warren Sazama, SJ, National Religious Vocation Conference, Chicago, IL 60615.

Discernment: What decision would I make if I were on my deathbed?

 Discernment: Step 8 of the Ignatian method of discerning any serious decision, or discerning one’s vocation in life, includes a perspective from one’s deathbed.  St. Ignatius suggests that we imagine ourselves on our deathbed. In other words, if I were about to die, about to see Jesus face-to-face, how would I feel about the choice I am contemplating? Would I be pleased with myself or remorseful? If I would be regretting what I am about to choose, something is askew. Then, what I am contemplating is not something that I really want to do, whether it is a day-to-day decision in how I am relating to another, or shutting another out, or whether it is a State in Life that I am considering. So if, on my deathbed I would not make the choice I am contemplating, then I need to go back and review my reasons for making the choice I have just made but not yet carried out.

 

Source: Discernment of Spirits by Warren Sazama, SJ, National Religious Vocation Conference, Chicago, IL 60615.

Discernment: How would you advise someone else?

Discernment: Step 7 of the Ignatian method of discerning one’s state in life—marriage, religious life, the single life and/or priesthood— or making any other decision is to imagine a person in precisely the same position as you. She seeks your opinion before making her final decision. You study her reflections, the advantages and disadvantages she’s identified, and say to her: “It is quite clear (for such and such reasons) that God is calling you to_________________.” Then do the same for yourself as for this person who sought your guidance.

Source: Discernment of Spirits by Warren Sazama, SJ, National Religious Vocation Conference, Chicago, IL 60615.

Discerning God's Will: Looking at "the why" of our decisions

In the sixth step of St. Ignatius’ method of discerning God’s will, St. Ignatius stresses the importance of paying attention to why we are contemplating certain actions, whether that be choosing a State in Life, choosing a person with whom to partner for life in living out one’s baptismal covenant, choosing which religious community one is considering, choosing one’s major in college, or contemplating less weighty decisions that we face in daily life.  Basically, St. Ignatius is calling us to live a reflective life, to take time in making decisions, to give ourselves space where we think things through and not act on impulse or do something simply because we feel pressured by others. Coming apart to look at the why  gives us the perspective that is needed to make wise decisions. When we take this time to look at the reasons, we are more likely to make a decision that we know God is asking of us, even if our friends go a different way or do differently than we would do.  We will experience deeper peace when the choices we make are consonant with or in harmony with the voice within. In other words, we are choosing to be self-directed and are strengthening our ability to be our own person. By doing this, we will truly grow in liking who we are and in realizing our oneness with our Creator God, who dwells in the very depth of our being.

 

Source: Discernment of Spirits by Warren Sazama, SJ, National Religious Vocation Conference, Chicago, IL 60615.

Discernment: Looking at pros and cons

The fifth step of discernment according to the Ignatian method of discerning God’s will is to list the advantages and disadvantages of each choice we are considering. This does not only apply to choosing a state of life-- the single state, marriage, and/or religious life—but to every choice we make. If, for instance,  we pass on a story about someone, what will the consequences be is the question a person asks if eager to be one with the Father.  Looking at such realities in the mundane choices of daily life is as important as looking at the advantages or disadvantages of choosing one lifestyle over the other.  Whether to withhold a kindness, whether to greet a certain person with whom I am at odds, whether to participate in a parish event, whether to do this or that chore for the good of the family—weighing the consequences  of those choices are also part of discerning what Jesus would do. We know that Jesus always did what the Father asked of Him.  He tells us that in John 5: 19: “…I tell you, by himself the Son can do nothing; he can do only what he sees the Father doing; and whatever the Father does the Son does too.” And at Cana, Mary, noticing an unmet need, says to the servants: “Do whatever He tells you.”

So no matter what decision we are contemplating, Ignatius suggest that we take time to look at the pros and cons of that choice. , that we weigh all sides. Pay close attention to the reasons for each choice. If contemplating a State in Life, compare each. You will then be in a position of knowing which vocation is best for you. Before making a final decision, be sure you are not being carried away by passion or natural inclinations. Discuss your findings with a qualified spiritual director, someone who has training in the art of spiritual direction, someone who will lean neither to one choice or another, to one state of life over the other for you , does not tell you what to do or not to do, what choice to make or not make, but is totally open to what God is asking of you and, with you, is seeking God’s will, someone who will allow you to list the pros and cons of either choice without swaying you more toward one than the other and can be objective in working with you.

Discerning God's Will: Seeking the Grace of Enlightenment

Step 4 of the Ignatian method of discerning God’s will is to pray from the bottom of your heart for the grace of enlightenment. In this step you are asking the Holy Spirit to turn the light on within your mind—“let me see, Lord, what it is that you are asking of me. Move me out of darkness into the light of knowing what your will is for me.” In the same token you are asking for the strength to do that which God is asking of you. Source: Discernment of Spirits by Warren Sazama, SJ, National Religious Vocation Conference, Chicago, IL 60615.

 The very fact that we seek enlightenment means that we realize that our minds have been darkened by the Fall of Adam and Eve. We have all inherited a dullness that clouds our thinking. The removal of these spiritual “cataracts” is not possible if we do not even recognize the fact that “cataracts” are clouding our vision.  That recognition requires humility modeled by Mary, Joseph, Peter, Mary of Magdala and all of those who were recipients of Jesus’ healing ministry in the NT Scriptures.  We do not seek “enlightenment,” “openness,” “light,” or help in any way if we do not recognize our need for an intervention. If, in truth, we are going to discern God’s holy will, we need the Holy Spirit to break into our minds with the light of Christ.  What blocks me from seeking the Wisdom of the Spirit, the Enlightenment of God?