Discernment: A third sign of one's Vocation in Life

Rev. Martin Pable, OFM Cap, proposes three signs of a vocation:  a desire for the life, the right motivation for that life and fitness for the life.  In two previous blogs, we reflected upon the first two signs. In this blog, let us look at the third sign of a vocation; fitness for the life of becoming a woman/man religious or becoming a priest. Priesthood and religious life requires that a person is mentally, physically and emotionally healthy.  That means that one is able to live the priestly life or the life of a woman/man religious in a way that  builds community, not tears it down.  One needs to be comfortable, cheerful, and generous in the giving of oneself, in compromising solutions to problems and generating strong hope and a deep faith. One must have the strength, mentally and physically, to deal with the challenges and difficulties of life in ways that lead to new life. 

"The life itself," Rev. Pable states, "must suit you and you must suit the life and you aren't paying a horribly high price just to stay in. Somehow there must be a meshing of your interest and ability and competency with those of the religious life. Both must mesh."  Not everyone is cut out for religious life or the priesthood. That does not mean that they failed, are inadequate or are bad individuals anymore than a person who insists on being a musician without musical talent is a failure or a bad individual.  

What is good for you is the question you need to ask. In what do you thrive? Would it be religious life, priesthood, marriage or the single life?  Remember that God does not do violence to an individual, demanding that which is against that person's abilities, capabilities and inmost desires, Father Pable emphasizes.  If a vocation does not "fit" and you are in no way attracted to it, do not desire it, are not rightly motivated for it, nor "fit" for it, don't put it on and pretend it does!  Find the vocation that is right for you: you desire it, have the right motivations for it, and it "fits"--you are happy, comfortable and generous in the giving of yourself to meet its challenges and in dealing with the difficulties of life that are part of all vocations.

Discernment of a Call to Marriage

In the previous blog, we reflected on the second of three signs of a vocation to religious life or to the priesthood—wanting the life for the right reasons. The first sign is having a desire for the life. Let reflect now reflect on adequate and inadequate reasons for  choosing marriage.  In other words,if you are thinking of marriage, it is important to be asking yourself: What is motivating me to want to marry this man/woman or to want marriage in the first place at this point of time in my life?

Adequate reasons:

•         I truly love this man/woman and I want to commit my life to him/her.
•     I want to support this man/woman  for the rest of my life.
•     In prayer, my desire to marry this person is confirmed. 
•     I feel a deep love for this person and, in turn, I feel this person’s deep love for me. 
•     We both desire to give our all to each other, in sickness and in health, in good times and difficult times. 
•     Together we want to grow in love and respect of each other.
•     We want to support each other in growing in our faith, in becoming our best selves, in raising children in the faith, and in developing our careers, our talents, our gifts for the good of each other and our children.  
•     We want to help each other fulfill his/her dreams and meet his/her needs. 
•     We want to be there emotionally for each other no matter what.
•     Together we want to become the best man, the  best woman we are capable of achieving. 
•     We want to be companions/partners for the rest of our lives.

Inadequate reasons:

•      I can’t make it on my own.
•          I’m lonely.
•       I’m pregnant.
•          I have to prove to others that I am an adult.
•          I got to get away from an oppressive situation at home.
•          I cannot live without a man/a woman, any man/any woman by my side.
•          I’m a nobody without being married.
•          This person needs me. I can save him/her. This person cannot make it without me.
•          All my friends are getting married. My siblings are married. I have gotta be married, too.
•          I’m a failure without marriage.
•          My parents/my siblings/my friends want me to marry this person; but I don’t want think this is the right person for me. But I got to go ahead with it. My parents/siblings/friends insist on it.
•          I don’t really love this person but he/she’s rich, beautiful physically. Others would die to marry into a wealthy family or to marry someone this beautiful physically/this handsome.  I’ve gotta go through with it even though it does not feel right for me.
•          If I stay single, others will think I am a failure.
•          I need someone to take care of me!
•          He/she will make me happy!  I will feel complete with this person.
•          This person has got money!
•          I’m growing older.  It’s time to get married before it is too late.

Discernment: Signs of the Vocation to Which You Are Called

Discernment:   Let’s continue to reflect on three basic signs of a vocation, as presented in an article by Rev. Martin Pable, OFM Cap. The first of those three signs is  that you have a desire for the life you are considering. The second sign is that you want the life for the right reasons.  In other words, what is motivating you to want to marry this man/this woman, to want to be a priest or to enter a religious community of women/men, or choose the single lifestyle?    A Vocation Director will be searching for the motivation behind your desire to enter religious life or to become a priest.  Someone preparing you for marriage or counseling you about remaining single will also be concerned about your motivation. 

Adequate reasons would be wanting to enter religious life or become a priest would be wanting to serve the Lord above all else, wanting to participate solely in furthering the mission of the Church, to live the Gospel in a radical way, to grow in intimacy with the Lord by a life of prayer and service, and the sacrifices of  being a priest or living in a community of women/men religious, not having a husband/wife to love exclusively and raising a family together in faith. Wanting to live with others who share a common mission and desire to grow in faith and love by furthering the designs of God as revealed through communal discernment of God’s will is also the kind of motivation that indicates the possibility of being called to religious life and or to priesthood.

Inadequate reasons  for wanting to enter religious life or become priest would be looking for the security which members of a religious community enjoy or that a priest seems to enjoy: a roof over one’s  head, three meals a day, a bed to sleep in each night, the social life of  retirement with fellow religious/priests in one’s advanced age,  life insurance, so to speak, and lots of things for which  other people in the world scrounge.  Other inadequate motivations  would  be wanting to escape loneliness or a failed relationship, or thinking that being a religious or becoming a priest gives you status and instant recognition or that it is a glamorous life. A young man who was applying to enter a seminary  said to me : “I need to be honest. I’m attracted to the pomp and circumstances of being a priest.” If that is one's only motivation for entering a seminary or a religious congregation, then the call to priesthood or religious life needs to be questioned.

Discernment and Turbulent Waters

Discernment and Turbulent Waters:   In today’s Gospel, Matthew 14: 22-36, the disciples are out on the sea, buffeted by strong winds.  Jesus had stayed ashore to dismiss the crowd of about 5000 men plus all of the women and children that they had just fed.   “During the fourth watch of the night  [around 3:00 in the morning][Jesus] came toward them, walking on the sea.”  The disciples are terrified, thinking that they are seeing a ghost walking toward the boat.  Jesus, aware of their fright, says to them: “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”  Peter says to Him: “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” Jesus says: “Come.”  So Peter begins to walk on the turbulent water toward Jesus and as the winds whip around him, he becomes frightened, takes his eyes off Jesus and begins to sink.  “’Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him,” saying “O, you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

“If it is you, command me to come to you,”  Peter says to the Lord.  Peter gets out of the boat and begins to walk on the water. “Is he crazy,” we may ask!  “What’s he thinking? He is not capable of walking on water,”   we proclaim.  When you and I are contemplating something which we believe God is asking of us, like Peter, we may courageously step out into the turbulent waters because we believe that the Lord has called us, as He did Peter: “Come”  Jesus says to Peter when Peter says to Him: “If it is you, Lord, command me to come to you on the water.”  It’s like saying: “If it is you, Lord, calling me to remain single, to enter religious life, to study for the priesthood, to marry this woman/this man, bit me do so.”  “If it is you asking me to do such and such, bit me, Lord, to do it with courage and with faith.” Then the waves of criticism rise and we may get scared, begin to sink in our resolve. “Save me, Lord.” And immediately, Jesus reaches out His hand and walks with us to accomplish that of which, on our own, we are not capable!

Discernment of Being Called to a Particular Vocation in Life

DISCERNMENT: There are four basic vocations in life: marriage, religious life (men or women), single life style and priesthood (diocesan).  According to  Rev. Martin Pable, OFM Cap., there are three basic signs of a vocation. Let us look at what he considers the first sign and that is “Do you have a desire for the life”.   Do you feel inclined to become a married woman/man, to become a priest, to remain single, to enter religious life? If the answer is “no” to one of those, then you know that is not the vocation to follow in life. Look at the other three.  Father Martin also asks: “Does it give you a certain amount of satisfaction to think about it,…a certain amount of enthusiasm or joy or some kind of positive feeling?”  It is important to realize that God does not force a certain vocation upon anyone! God desires a cheerful giver, not someone who feels coerced into giving of oneself in a particular vocation .  God respect each person’s will, each person’s desires.  God wants your peace, your happiness, your joy. If a particular vocation goes against you inclinations, your desires and does not speak of joy, does not give you a sense of satisfaction, do not go there!

Being inclined toward marriage, religious life, priesthood, or the single lifestyle is important! If you are saying “I think God wants me to be a priest, a sister, a married woman/man, a single person but I don’t feel inclined toward that vocation, then that is not what God wants of you! Or if you are saying: I think God will punish me if I do not enter religious life, become a priest, get married and have children or remain single, then, too, you are not called to that particular vocation. God is not a punishing God. God does not coerce a vocation upon you!  He respects that to which you are inclined, that which  brings you satisfaction, peace, joy, excitement, enthusiasm!

Discernment: Scripture Examples of Following the Will of God

DISCERNMENT

Discernment of God’s will is modeled for us by Jesus, Mary, Joseph and others in the Scriptures.  We learn God’s ways in the Bible and in life itself!

I n Luke 1: 38, Mary says to the angel Gabriel: “You see before you the Lord’s servant, let it happen to me as you have said.” Do you consider yourself “the Lord’s servant”?

Suddenly, St. Matthew tells us, “the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, ‘Get us, take the child and his mother with you, and escape into Egypt”   (Mt. 2: 13).  Are you ready to relocate, if God asks you to do so?

Carefully watching over the Holy Family in Egypt, an angel appears to them after Herod’s death and says to Joseph: “Get up, take the child and his mother with you and go back to the land of Israel,…” (Mt. 2: 19).  Are you ready to change course, if the Lord asks you to make changes in your life?

Ever wonder whether God is asking you, as He did John the Baptist, to be a “voice of one that cries in the desert,”—no one else seems to hear you. It’s like being in a desert with no nourishment to carry out what you believe God is asking of you.  And the walk through “the desert” can be threatening, uninviting, scary. Yet, John the Baptist follows God’s plan. What about you?

Render to God the things that are Gods and to Caesar the things that belong to Caesar: answering God’s call is rendering “to God the things that are God’s”  (Mark 12: 17).

Now “Jesus appeared: he came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John.” John objects and Jesus says to him: “Leave it like this…;it is fitting that we should, in this way [John baptizing the Incarnate Word], do all that uprightness demands” (Mt. 3: 15).  Are you willing, in your choice of vocation, willing to all that uprightness [honesty] demands of you, even though others do not understand?

Moved  or led by the Spirit, Jesus went out “into the desert to be put to the test by the devil. He fasted for forty days and forty nights.” Whatever looks like desert to you, if it is God’s will that you go there, do you realize that it is the Spirit that will lead you, be there with you and that angels will minister to you? (See Mt. 4:1, 11)

Eye has not seen and ear has not heard  what God has prepared for us, I would say, when we are in sync with God’s will for us (cf.1 Cor 2:9). Mary was so strengthen in her resolve  and filled with joy and peace that she sang Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55).  Is your soul at peace? Is your soul filled with joy at the choices you are making?

Now “the hour has come for the Son of man to be glorified. In all truth I tell you, unless a wheat grain falls into the earth and dies, it remains a single grain; but if it dies it yields a rich harvest” (John 12: 23). To what is God asking you to die in order to experience a rich harvest?

Then, overcome with sorrow to the point of death, Jesus says to His Father: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me. Nevertheless, let your will be done, not mine.”  Are you willing to say to God what Jesus said?

Discernment: In my heart of hearts what do I desire?

Discernment:  As you ponder and wonder  which vocation is right for you, I encourage you to ask yourself: In my heart of hearts, what do I desire, not what does mom or dad or grandma/pa want of me,  not what do my friends want of me or my teachers or school counselor but what do I desire in my heart of hearts! And what will it take for me to realize my heart’s desire?  What’s getting in my way? What am I telling myself about what I desire in my heart of hearts, in the very core of my being?  Courageously, answer those question in the quiet of your room or in a space where you know you will not be disturbed or interrupted or pressured to think the way mom and dad think, the way grandma and grandpa think, the way your friends think or anyone else.