Discernment of a Call to Marriage

In the previous blog, we reflected on the second of three signs of a vocation to religious life or to the priesthood—wanting the life for the right reasons. The first sign is having a desire for the life. Let reflect now reflect on adequate and inadequate reasons for  choosing marriage.  In other words,if you are thinking of marriage, it is important to be asking yourself: What is motivating me to want to marry this man/woman or to want marriage in the first place at this point of time in my life?

Adequate reasons:

•         I truly love this man/woman and I want to commit my life to him/her.
•     I want to support this man/woman  for the rest of my life.
•     In prayer, my desire to marry this person is confirmed. 
•     I feel a deep love for this person and, in turn, I feel this person’s deep love for me. 
•     We both desire to give our all to each other, in sickness and in health, in good times and difficult times. 
•     Together we want to grow in love and respect of each other.
•     We want to support each other in growing in our faith, in becoming our best selves, in raising children in the faith, and in developing our careers, our talents, our gifts for the good of each other and our children.  
•     We want to help each other fulfill his/her dreams and meet his/her needs. 
•     We want to be there emotionally for each other no matter what.
•     Together we want to become the best man, the  best woman we are capable of achieving. 
•     We want to be companions/partners for the rest of our lives.

Inadequate reasons:

•      I can’t make it on my own.
•          I’m lonely.
•       I’m pregnant.
•          I have to prove to others that I am an adult.
•          I got to get away from an oppressive situation at home.
•          I cannot live without a man/a woman, any man/any woman by my side.
•          I’m a nobody without being married.
•          This person needs me. I can save him/her. This person cannot make it without me.
•          All my friends are getting married. My siblings are married. I have gotta be married, too.
•          I’m a failure without marriage.
•          My parents/my siblings/my friends want me to marry this person; but I don’t want think this is the right person for me. But I got to go ahead with it. My parents/siblings/friends insist on it.
•          I don’t really love this person but he/she’s rich, beautiful physically. Others would die to marry into a wealthy family or to marry someone this beautiful physically/this handsome.  I’ve gotta go through with it even though it does not feel right for me.
•          If I stay single, others will think I am a failure.
•          I need someone to take care of me!
•          He/she will make me happy!  I will feel complete with this person.
•          This person has got money!
•          I’m growing older.  It’s time to get married before it is too late.