St. Ignatius of Loyola counsels us to avoid making major decisions when we are not at peace. How often do we not hear that a person who is recently divorced, or whose relationship with another has broken off, is already dating another person and/or looking for someone to marry ASAP. He or she has not even recovered from the breakdown of the marriage or of the former relationship, has not taken time to grieve the losses or to reflect on what one needs to learn from the distressing situation so as not to relive the problems in subsequent relationships.
When the "muddy waters" are churning, that is, one is not a peace, clarity is not possible. The "mud" needs to settle before we are able to see with clarity, reason with objectively or choose wisely. To discern well one has to 1) allow the "muddy waters" to settle, 2) examine what created the "mud," that is, examine the problematic behaviors that "muddied" the relationship or brought "disaster" to a given situation, 3) reconcile the differences, at least within oneself, and perhaps with other/s, and 4) forgive oneself and other/s. Once peace is achieved--that may take awhile, perhaps a long time--then we will see clearly to make a decision that, in turn, will lead to peace, to a new way of living, a new way of being, one that is more likely to be in tune with God's will and is not a reliving of past hurts.